


Who Ever Would Have Guessed?

by Nihiley_Face



Series: Personal Favourites [2]
Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: For the last time, Other, Ringo Is Female, Ringo is God, Ringo is a Gal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-09
Updated: 2018-02-09
Packaged: 2019-03-15 07:54:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13608933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nihiley_Face/pseuds/Nihiley_Face
Summary: A cat.Of all the creatures to become the most powerful, it had to be a cat.[In which Ringo is God.]





	Who Ever Would Have Guessed?

A cat. 

Of all the creatures to become the most powerful, it had to be a cat. 

The most important thing in the multiverse, the creator of everything and everyone, the savior of lives and destroyer of worlds. 

No one ever would have guessed. 

I suppose that was the point, aye?

My name is Ringo. 

I've been around for a very long time, you see. I know everything, I've been everywhere, been everyone, felt everything in the universe with the omniscient pads of my paws, and I choose to spend my time in the universe with my greatest creation, a human by the title of Edd Gold. 

Edward Gold is a creature of my creation, and like a proper parent, I make sure to look after him. I save him in times of trouble, and provide comfort, like a good animal companion would. And since his friends mean so much to him, I make sure to look after them, too. 

Especially because his friends don't seem to be the sharpest tools in the shed. 

Matthew Harvey is not very smart; I've watched him and his predecessors for many a decade, and it doesn't seem that they've gotten any smarter through my created process of evolution. In fact, I think they have only gotten less intelligent over the course of time. However, he is a very empathetic creature, easily managing to comfort his friends in times of distress, which makes him a good person, despite his vanities. He's incredibly vain, starting at himself in the mirror more and more each day. Much like Narcissus, the beautiful hunter, he's obsessed with his appearance and his beauty. He's also a hoarder. That last one isn't so bad, however, because it gives me many small places to hide out and quietly watch the people around me and their behaviours. I especially enjoy the comfort from this one, he is kind and empathetic. I must agree that despite all odds, Matt has come out as a very handsome creature, and he deserves to know this. He is a very important character in my long life. I have many plans for the many versions of this one. 

Thomas Rosewood appears to be much brighter, though he's not exactly a genius. I have never met a creature like him, and I'm still learning about him, which is why I tend to watch over him the most. He seems mainly sad, but he apparently takes this as weakness and covers it up with anger and poor jokes. He clearly holds each and every one of his friends dear, but pushes them away when he needs them the most. That is why I am here for him. I appear to him when he needs comfort, though, more often than not, he pushes even me away, too. He claims not to care, but I know otherwise. While he seems apathetic and crude, he's actually quite caring and kind, but never in front of his friends. I believe that this is a self defense mechanism to prevent himself from getting hurt. I have seen this one in many bad places and mental states, so when he needs it more than ever, I shall appear to him, in a dream, perhaps, and I will show him that he shouldn't end his life; he has so much more to live for, and not just his friends. This one is certainly important, but not for me. There are other plans for him. 

And lastly, my eternal companion, Edd. 

He is what his friends describe as an 'asshole'. Though this is usually used as human slang for an insult, they all use this term around each other lightheartedly. Edd loves jokes involving wordplay, and uses these frequently to vex his friends. He also plays what he calls 'pranks' on them. These are physical jokes, sometimes involving wordplay. They have a set up, and a punchline and they thus slightly inconvenience and irritate the people you play them on, while amusing yourself. One classic example I've seen Edd preform many a time: Setting up a bucket of water or various other substances over the top of an open door, so that when someone opens it, it falls on their head and they are pranked. I find this one to be quite amusing. 

Edd is also an artist, using his skilled hands to create beautiful images with whatever he has. He can often shut himself in his room, closing even me out, while he does so. Sometimes it's for focus, other times it's irritation or seasonal depression. Sometimes he needs his space, other times, he needs comfort from his friends, which they do provide in the end, with my help. 

I am a young God in the multiverse of other Gods, spread throughout space and time. We are forever. We are never ending. We are not perfect creatures, but we try our best to spoil our creations. In the universe I spend my time in, there are people suffering, starving and dying of disease. I try my best to help them, but even I cannot save them all. However, know this: Their suffering is not for nothing. There is a Heaven, and they make it there, where they will never have to be hungry. 

Heaven is very different than many might think. There are no real angels, and everyone gets to go there. It is a whole new world with no suffering. No one in that world has a body, they are all specks of light, very much like stars. I do believe that is where the stories that people turn to stars when they die comes from. They are all at peace and do not have to hurt any longer. There is no longer a set of assigned genders, sexes, or such, because there are no bodies. What you are in the After World is only everything you've ever been. It is you in your purest form, where there is no greed, no suffering and you are surrounded by comfort. In the end, every living creature, every plant, every animal makes it there, and everyone speaks the same language. You can learn the stories of everyone around you ever so easily, now. 

Maybe that is what Tom is searching for, when he lays in bed, wishing for it to end. 

Maybe, it is what they are all searching for. 

Though I created them, I do not understand humanity completely. 

Human emotions are still beyond me, though I am learning more and more every day. 

Tom seems to very much love my species of choice; felines. He takes quite a liking to them, looking at pictures of them and making incredibly feminine noises whilst doing so. I cannot disagree that felines, big and small, are quite adorable.

I mean, this gift? Super cute. 

Matt likes to look at himself, of course. He compliments himself constantly. If I were able to talk to him without exposing myself, I would definitely give him compliments; he is certainly handsome. I do quite like gingers, their freckles are very nice. 

Edd enjoys looking at pictures and videos of animals and fawning over them. It's very sweet when I see him do it, he turns pink and a bright smile fades onto his face; he looks truly happy when he sees them. 

The three of them sit together and make fun of bad television shows together, like Professor Why, for example. They laugh at the bad, repetitive tropes the show brings in, and they all poke fun at how honestly terrible it is. Despite it being absolutely horrible, they all seem to bond over it, becoming ever closer while they take some poor, dying show and kick at it. 

It's a wonderful sight, indeed. 

There was one more character in this series of life-altering events that lead us all here together. 

His name was Tord Laszer. 

He was quite the oddball. I almost had the feeling that he didn't belong, really. But after I'd warmed up to him, I began to trust him, even enough for him to show me affection. 

In truth, I had never expected this character to show up. He'd never done so before, so this was a new experience in a never-ending story I'd read so many times before. 

I do believe that it was wrong to trust him. 

It was painful to see all of my dearest companions so hurt by what this man had done, but alas, it was out of my paws, now, I couldn't chance a look in the past to change it. I do wish that I had seen the signs, maybe looked into the future and I could have stopped it from happening. I could have somehow re-written the future with these powers that I have, but no. 

I tend not to look into the future, or travel through time like the other versions of myself. 

I think it tends to, as one of my companions would put it, 'fuck shit up'. 

Besides, I like the spontaneity it gives. A whole new sense of adventure, every single day. You never know what's going to happen. It's wonderful, some days. 

But if you're Tom, that's terrifying, but at the same time, it fills you with this thrilled anxiousness. 

If you're Edd, it's thrilling, and you want more. 

If you're Matt, you're neutral on the feeling. 

If you're Tord, this feeling gives you a whole new lust for adventure and excitement. 

I learn about my companions through millennia of observing them, not seeing in their heads. I find looking through someone's thoughts and feelings without their consent is rather rude, honestly. Especially when you accidentally find something you don't want to see in there. 

I did that exactly once, and never again will I do it. 

I find Tom quite mysterious, so one day, I sifted through his mind, and was not disappointed. Instead, I found myself shocked and confused. 

He had many things going through his mind at once, constantly. A mixture of dull, unrelenting pain residing in his chest, focusing on horrible things that he can't fix, and whatever a shitpost is. It was so difficult to focus on one thing with all this static going through his head all the time. Not to mention when his mind was clear, well, it wasn't. It was never clear. 

I know that he is compassionate because he thinks about sad things; homeless people on the streets, for example. He wants to give them money and houses because he knows what it's like to be poor and go to bed hungry. Especially with children in the slums. He wants to give the whole world a hug, and make sure it's happy, and knowing he can't do that, well, it hurts him. He wants to save to world so badly. 

However, he sees his compassion as weakness, his feelings, a lack of strength and a way for people to climb in his mind and hurt him. 

I know that he loves his friends because he thinks about them all the time. Jokes Edd made, or certain times when Matt was smart. 

But then came the part that shocked and confused me the most. 

He thought about Tord a whole, awful lot. In all honesty, I'd say he was 'head-over-heals', as many people put it.

He loved the passion and energy Tord had about him, his extrovertedness and lust for adventure. He loved that Tord was strong, and loud, and handsome, and so smart, too. Tom loved that Tord was everything he wasn't. He wanted to feel Tord's hand in his, and for Tord to want him just as much. He wanted Tord to hold him and tell him that everything is going to be okay. He just wanted to be okay with him. 

I was shocked upon learning this information; previously, the two had not gotten on well, but now, I understand a little more about it. Tom wanted Tord, but he was sure that Tord didn't want him, and that hurt. A lot. He was so sure that nobody would fall in love with him, that he became far too torpe to properly ask someone out, or even consider that someone as amazing as Tord might like him in a similar manner. The thought of rejection, especially romantic rejection, was the same to him as physical pain. 

Poor thing. 

I decided then to never look into someone's head again. 

But then was also when I made sure to look out for his health, as well. 

If someone were to hide his alcohol, I wouldn't deny that I may have done it. 

I've also cleaned up Matt's room, if only a little. Just a sort of organized chaos to make it easier to navigate the dangerous mountains of his bedroom. 

I also clean up the leftover dishes in Edd's room, since he leaves them there when he gets in the zone. And, when I get the chance, I do my best to help him take a break when I believe that he needs it the most. I don't want his hands to get tendinitis in his hands or his knees. More pain is not what this group needed after what they went through. 

Even if they do get hurt, even if they reach their lowest moments, or if they fight, hurt each other, or separate, then I shall be there to comfort them. 

I know little of what exactly Tord is planning, but I know that it's going to hurt people. It will hurt Tom, Edd and Matt, and I might not be there to help them. However, I will do my best to let the best side win and bring them together once more. 

I am not perfect, of course, but I do my best to keep them from straying. 

Right now, the three of them are playing a board game while I watch from the window sill, my tail flicking about by my sides. They are laughing while the open window allows some after-winter breeze to flow through, bustling the curtains and moving them around. Tom apparently loses something, and he pretends to be offended while he punches Edd in the arm, a genuine smile on his face. Matt keels over in laughter and almost falls backwards in his chair in amusement. Edd and Tom panic a little and help him before he falls. When it was over, the three of them laugh even more. Today, they are nothing but smiles and genuine affection to each other.

My lovely companions are happy for another day, so I give that another point to me. 

I smile to myself and peer out the open window, into the blue sky I created for the humans whom I hold dearest, and I wonder. 

What does the spontaneous future hold for them?

I guess we'll just have to find out.

**Author's Note:**

> If you like weird shit like this, follow me on my tumblr where I post almost nothing but: @ daddy-issues-anon.tumblr.com


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